Welcome To The Nut House

So I've been lazy posting things... I'll get back on top of it again, now that all the stress has stopped being so bad. But, I'll stop getting off topic and get back to that later...

This Christmas was the second year in a row that the wonderful man in my life went to visit my crazy relatives with me.  I was amused to find that all the rambunctious characters gathered in the room last year, had become rather placid this year.  Everyone spent the night quietly sitting on their stools, couches, or chairs watching the little ones scramble frantically about in the room full of unfamiliar faces.  All the drinkers huddled by the bar, and all of us non-drinkers gathered up in little groups on the far side of the room.

Just the typical night in the life of my family. My cousins spent their time upstairs playing the Gamecube, and watched the football games. My aunt spent her time in the kitchen slaving over the stove to prepare all the deliscios food options we enjoy once every year. And my uncle tended the bar for both the drinkers and non-drinkers alike.

About two plates of food and three sodas into the night, it was clear that my family was acting more normal than usual. I was a bit concerned when I hadn't been told I should have some alcohol by my uncle multiple times like the previous years, and there was no teasing about spending time talking to my older cousins all night.

At the end of the night, my man was asked if he was going to come back next year or if he had decided to run for the hills.  I was happy to remark that it was his second year with us and that I would be keeping him around for another millenia or so if I can.

All in all, it was pretty fun to be back in the nut house this year for a few hours with all my relatives.

Retail Therapy - Mission: Christmas Presents

I have had it up to my ears with all the stuff going on right now, so I made the decision. This weekend is going to be my Christmas shopping therapy weekend. Along with a few purchases for myself, I will be knocking as many people as possible off my list for this season as I can in one go.

My credit card better run while it can. Just quietly whimpering in my wallet and cowering will not be enough if I am in a bad mood when it comes retail therapy day.

Gotta get mom something useful, like a book or a movie, and some of her favorite candies if I can find things she will like. Dad has already had his gift picked out for a while now, and I already got him something anyway. What in the world I am going to get for a twenty-one year old brother that I hardly ever speak to is beyond me. All he does is play video games and sleep when he is not at college...

Probably the best person I am shopping for will be my lovely boyfriend of a year and a half. There are so many things I could get him, and so many things he would love to get from me. The thing is which one to surprise him with. I already gave him his one birthday/Christmas present more than a month earlier, because he really wanted this fancy tactical survival knife at the gun show we were at a few weeks back. Me, being the wonderful girlfriend that I am, I jumped at the chance to buy him something he wanted so badly, and something so useful. Smooth blade down the curved side; two sets of toothed blades in different sizes down the other side broken apart by the bend in the blade's back edge; compass and survival tools in the unscrewable compartment of the handle. It's a thing of beauty really...

A thing of beauty encased in a hunting camoflauge printed sheath, and even the knife itself is painted with hunting camo.

But anyway, retail therapy is my way of fixing the universe, and it gets expensive on me sometimes. This will not be one of those times, because I am only out to get Christmas stuff. Though I will be stopping to look for something in Hot Topic for myself, I half expect not to find it anyway. I never have much luck in that store when I go on retail therapy missions...

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

...But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'...
 (Lyrics by B.J. Thomas)

How come for the longest time it rained every week on Wednesday and Thursday, for the entire day. And each week I still forgot to pick up my umbrella each Wednesday, only to find it raining outside, but not having the willpower to walk back into my dorm and get it. And every Thursday I would come back inside to get it, and by the time I came back out it would no longer be raining that morning, but would proceed to pour the second I thought it safe for me to stop lugging it around as if it is a red and white extension of my right arm.

The rain has decided that Tuesday is a proper day for it to show up every week now. I decided to write it a little note:

Dear Sky Water,
I know you make the plants grow and keep the water on the planet clean and everything, but would it be possible for you to lay off for a bit? I would like to have a week where it isn't insanely rainy and moist for a change. Just one week of sunshine please?
Sincerely,
Cold Blooded

Believe you me...

It's amazing to me that one person doubting my ability to stay true to the one person who means everything in the world to me can make me doubt myself. It may seem like a long shot that the two of us could be so sure we are going to be together for the rest of our lives, but it happens. It upsets me to think that people in this world cannot see how much it means to me to even have him to call mine at this point. We have been through so much together as a couple over the last year and something, but through all the curveballs and rough spots and fights we managed to make it work and we are as strong as ever.

If even you do not believe in me, then how am I to believe in myself?

Someone once told me not to think about the end in the middle, but when the end is nowhere in sight one has only the need to believe to keep that endlessness alive. When in doubt, just think about all the times we made it through things that seemed impossible, and remember how much stronger and closer we grew because of it. It scares me to know that people out there still doubt my ability to put my mind to something and keep it there. If you are going to tell me I can do anything I put my mind to, then how can you tell me that you don't believe I can do this?

I will prove you wrong about me...

By Leaps And Bounds

Today was one of those days we all have dreams about. You know, the one where you jolt awake only to look at the clock and nearly have a heart attack because you are running late already. You jump out of bed and frantically run around the room getting dressed and packig your bags up, all the while neglecting to even touch your makeup bag. Running at the speed of light across campus you fly up the stairs of the building to the third floor, walk down the hall and no one is sitting outside the classroom door. You exclaim a less than polite phrase and proceed to open the door.

The door is locked...

You look at your phone, trying to figure out what is wrong. The time says eight o'clock, why is there no one here? The teacher should be here by now for sure. You check your e-mail and there is no listed cancellation of class, so you sit...

and you wait...

Finally, one other soul shows up, giving you hope that class is still possible, and that you hadn't royally screwed up and missed something somehow. You check your phone one last time and rememberjust as the newcomer asks you why you are so early for class...

That class starts at eight thirty, not eight...

You could have put your makeup on. You could have gotten dressed calmly. You could have taken your time packing your bag. And especially you did NOT have to run like a marathon runner to make it to class today. You sigh, audibly enough for the whole room to hear you, and curl up on the lounge couch to take a cat nap before class, silently kicking yourself for misreading the clock and making yourself rush.

Heartbeats

Music holds a very special place in my heart. It is the glue that holds my life together. Without music I would essentially be nothing. I wouldn’t feel like getting up and living life if it weren’t for music giving me the power to survive through all the hardships I overcome. Music is there when I have nothing else to hold onto, and it can come from almost anywhere and anything you can imagine. Music is a symbol to me that helps me remember moments in my life that really counted. At every listen to a song I can relive the moment that song was part of my life, or an event that made that song part of me.

From relationships, cruise ships, and best friends, to the first song I ever danced to on stage, music has left some pretty important marks on my life that I do not soon intend to forget. You can learn a lot about yourself and your experiences by what songs remind you of what events. Some songs bring you to tears; others make you grin from ear to ear. Another person may feel that the songs that make you sad, can make them happy, or that a song that makes you smile makes them sad. But we all enjoy music in some form and are affected by it no matter whether we know it or not.

If the whole world were silent, how would you deal with it? Sounds in daily life are music to me. I can find a rhythm in anything I want and feel the beat behind it. Music can be anything you want it to be; there is nothing right or wrong about any sound. The freedom of expression is all that is necessary for me in music. I can be anyone I want to be, and I can say the things I want to say, even if I can’t find words to come right out and say it. Music can mean whatever you want it to mean, and it can be about whatever or whoever you want it to be about. Your interpretation is all that matters, not what anyone else thinks it is about. Music has its own meaning for every person and each reason is different. If the whole world were silent I would probably go completely insane.

Whether you like hard rock, rap, metal, ballads, trance and techno, country or blues, music is a part of almost everything we do. When we hop into our cars, we turn the stereo on. While we do our homework, we play music through the computer speakers. On our way to class, we put our iPods on and drown out the rest of the world. Even when we sleep some of us put our headphones in and have our favorite artist sing us to sleep. Movies and television shows, video games and sporting events, they all use music. Music is in a very wide variety of things that are a huge portion of our lives, and it has become as large of a staple as all these items combined.

You can feel the way music moves, and you can see what it makes you feel. Dancing is a compilation of moving how the music does, and showing the emotion that you feel when you listen to it. You can be someone different, or you can be yourself. You can portray someone else’s story, or your own. There is never a wrong answer as to what, why or how you dance. Just like music, dancing can be anything you want it to be. You could walk around on the stage for three minutes to the beat of the music; that could be your dance, or you could stand still in the spotlight in silence for a minute, then strike a pose for another minute, and finally walk calmly off stage as the lights dim. It’s about what you feel and what you make others feel. It is never who is right and who is wrong. Dance like music is open to interpretation and inspiration from any angle.

Teenage Zombocalypse

Walking to class at eight AM was somewhat creepier than usual today. The fog and lack of people immediately made me stand on guard for the Zombocalypse to come. In the course of about a quarter of a mile I saw around ten other people shuffling to class slowly, like snails on salt and with the prowess of half asleep toddlers. All that was left for me to do was add my own thoughts of zombies attacking to fulfill my needs. All I needed today was to find a way to enjoy being out of bed at eight AM to go to class on a Thursday.

Class wasn't that different from my walk this morning. Even with it being a ballet class, we were all in the mode of just sort of existing in space and doing whatever we could to just pass the time until class was over and we could go about on our way, falling back into bed and sleeping until our next class was beginning. All around me were the half sleepy faces of other teens suffering their way through our teacher droning on about the same things she has been saying thirty times a day for the last few months. Most people did nothing but drag their feet all class, and we all slack off more as the days get closer to that ever so elusive weekend we strive so hard to make it to alive. The zombie virus hit us hard this week though, harder than usual, most of us walked into our classes so far asleep that we were hardly functioning in any way shape of form. And I for one, had to fight my way out of bed in an effort to not skip class on such a dreary morning, but I made it. Even better, I made it to class twenty minutes early.

Go figure...

The rest of the day is full to the brim with neglecting my homework and playing games with my suitemates in an effort to cope with having one more day of classes and dealing with all the problems that come along, rising up like the ocean tides, without fail though slow and steady.