Money Talks

Okay, so can we spend a minute and talk about the fact that Black Friday has taken over a holiday that used to be about celebrating togetherness and family, and turned it into a free-for-all of fights and mobs hunting for the best deal on presents for another holiday...

What is this...

It's completely disgusting and appalling...

To the stores that closed for Thanksgiving to let their employees be with their families, Thank You. You know the true meaning of this holiday.

Money truly talks because stores open earlier and earlier every year to give their shoppers more time to cash in on the store wide deals. But the entire point of this holiday is to be thankful for all that we have in our lives, not to go buy more stuff. The deals are nice, but I for one spent Black Friday and Thanksgiving day with my family instead of out in the stores.

Money speaks and I refuse to spend in department stores on these days despite the deals, because I want my purchases to speak against forcing employees to be away from their families so that I can buy my Christmas gifts a month early. I refuse to be the reason those employees have to be at work at 2am when they should be at home resting for the busy season ahead. It's hardly fair for us all to have the freedom to be with our families on the holidays, but for the store employees to be forced to work extra hours on our behalf.

Tis the season, so be nice to them. They deserve to be home with their families too.

A Simple Thank You

Today I realized that for the first time in a long time the list of things I'm thankful for is very simple

I'm thankful for...

the people in my life who stand beside me no matter what I go through or how much I might upset them.

a family that supports me and my decisions, despite their dislike of some of the choices I've made in my life.

the fact that I've made it through the hardships I have faced and found myself in a place that only a year ago was a far off dream.

a job I genuinely enjoy and love going to, and where I feel like I make a difference in the lives of others.

to have a guy in my life who genuinely appreciates everything about me and brings out the best in me a little more every day, who enjoys just spending time with me and when I surprise him by showing up to see him.

Out With The New, In With The Old

Don't worry, you did read that right...

I've decided that as the first adventure I will embark upon involves going backwards in time and technology. One thing I've always been interested in is photography. Yes, it's true that I'm much more used to being seen through the viewfinder rather than looking through it myself, but I thought maybe it's about time I start taking some of my own photos too. But I'm not talking selfies or point and shoot photos here. I want to learn true photography. The kind of photography where one little slip on the focus can cause the picture to turn out immensely different. 

I'm going back to the days of true skill and finesse. When the art was just as much about the finished product as it was about the hard work it took to get to that final product.

And I'm kicking it old school, with my Nikon N8008 film camera, lovingly given to me by my mom for my enjoyment. Film is difficult to come by nowadays, but luckily Amazon.com has my back as always and I managed to order both black and white and color film for my photographing pleasure. I'm excited to embark on the adventure of figuring out how to work such a beautiful camera which was quite ahead of it's time when it was first created. It's something so old, yet something completely new to me. And it has many adventures it has survived so far, and many more to come now that it's in my hands.

Going through all of the many cameras and parts that went along with them, I realized how much it really took to be a photographer back when this camera was new. I've got two bags of gear to tote around when I shoot in order to have all of the lenses and filters with me. Though I won't need them all every time I go out and I can switch them out as I see fit to have the right ones for the situation, You never know when you might need a certain lens and not have it if you're not careful.

I'm extremely excited to start this new adventure, delving into the past and learning an art that has long been forgotten. Back when there were no retakes and every shot counted.

I'm A Big Kid Now

Now that college has been over for a few months, I've started to realize just how much time I have on my hands. I've got so much time in fact, that I've been filling it with sleeping. However, I have managed to get myself up to almost full time work hours, as well as getting myself out more often for recreational things. I intend to keep up with this and hopefully have a lot more to talk about than work and the funny things that happen at the bar when people ask me how my week was. I'd love to share what book I finished, or what movies I've seen. I'd love to share what crazy adventure I've been on that week. But, I've got to get myself up and get myself to do it, because I'm a big kid now and I'm only going to do these things if I put the effort forth to make them happen. There's no more schedules or classes or deadlines for everything in my life. I've got to make my own now, and that's a bigger task than I'm used to undertaking, but I know I can do it. I hope to have some stories to come of great adventures and lovely experiences with fiction and fantasy and tales of friendships growing stronger and deeper through both of these things. Here goes being a big kid now that I've made it out of college alive and stumbled into the real world... It's a scary place out here, but luckily I've got some great people to walk this road with me.

Off I go to the great world of adventure all around me. Let's see what I find out here!

3M

Spring Cleaning 2015

Last year I tried to complete the "Get Rid of 100 Things" challenge, but found out that it was much harder than it looked. This year my objective is to simply get rid of the things I'm not using that are just taking up space, and make room for me to have new things that I will actually use. I don't mind keeping some of the things because they hold some important memories and can be given to my kids or my brothers kids one day, but it's important that I stop letting these things overrun my life and reclaim my own space. I'm living in a pile of clutter and dust and it's high time I took it upon myself to start digging instead of just deciding to live in it and let it get worse by the day. I've started doing better with the implementation of the "everything has a place" rule, which was the hardest thing for me to get myself to actually follow.

If I think of it I'll update my 100 things list if I find anything new to get rid of, but it's really hard now.

More Weird Habits

I have selective OCD
1. I do my hair about 14 times before I'm finally happy with it.
2. Everything in the closet has to be in size (length) order, organized by type and color.
3. The calendar is organized by the hour, and color coded to show how long I plan to work on assignments/how long I am at a specific event.
4. I reogranize my entire wardrobe about 4 times a year minimum.
5. My shoes are organized by type and always kept in their drawers if they aren't on my feet.

I wear multiple outfits in one day depending on where I'm going
1. I wear a lounge-y outfit to go to school, because I often have classes that require the ability to move freely or have to chase kids around at work and need to be comfortable.
2. If I don't have to do movement classes I wear jeans and a t-shirt instead.
3. I change when I get to the house after school and put on pajamas.
4. If I have to go out I put on another outfit, more fashion friendly, when I spend time with my friends.

I love to buy things
1. I am not allowed in department stores, because I will find the makeup, the jewelry, and the clothing (whether accidentally or on purpose) and I WILL buy the entire department if not closely watched.
2. I'm obsessed with shoes.
3. I love to buy chocolate. Even though I don't really eat sweets.
4. I cannot be trusted to just 'browse' Hautelook. I almost always purchase something.
5. Amazon is my best friend... and my wallet's worst enemy.

I am a bag hoarder
1. I keep every plastic bag I come in contact with... inside one giant plastic bag.
2. I keep cute gift bags and almost never end up reusing.
3. I buy a new handbag when the old one 'wears out' and then keep the old one (no matter how bad it has gotten) as a "back up".

Growing Up: Things I'm Learning About Myself

1. I've come to a point where I can finally enjoy being single and live my life when I have time to.

2. I love to learn things, and I will always take the time to learn even the littlest thing just to know it.

3. I don't do drama. You wanna start drama, you can go stand outside my bubble and cause whatever drama you want, because I don't listen to or react to other people's drama.

4. I love working with kids...
5. But I don't want to have kids of my own.

6. I'm really good at reading people and situations and knowing what is going to happen, sometimes without really meaning to.

7. I have an obsession with buying things... particularly makeup, clothing, and jewelry.

8. I have an unhealthy relationship with caffeine.

9. I want to become an interior designer, because I enjoy taking spaces and learning how to make them flow and fit my needs.

10. I'm really picky about everything in my life.

A New Beginning

As graduation nears, one thing occurred to me, I am not nearly as ready for this as I thought I was. And yet at the same time, I don't think it's even fully set in that it's really happening. I'm still in classes and I still have to try my butt off in order to pass them all and graduate. There's no close enough in college when it comes to graduation. They don't hand you your diploma unless you earn it here....

As I think about graduating I think back to what if felt like in high school. We spent the last few weeks of the year doing almost nothing but preparing to walk across the stage, taking class pictures, and giving out awards. There was no academics going and it was pretty much assumed you were graduating if you made it that far.

Here... It's not like that. Here, I'm just a normal student until the day that diploma comes in the mail that says I've completed what I needed to. There's no "graduating seniors" assemblies during class, no class picture of all the graduates, no rehearsal to walk across the stage, or lessons on  how to wear the cap and gown. It's just another normal day at college, and from there starts the scary part...
After I graduate I've got the task of finding a steady paycheck (which my job could be but currently isn't), saving up a good amount of money, and if I choose (which believe me I do) finding a place to start living on my own.

Along with all this stuff, it occurred to me that this past spring break may actually be my last one, until I have children who go on spring break. But, at least I went on an epic adventure with my best friend as my final one right? I'll post the story of spring break soon, but I'll assure you now, it was amazing.

This whole growing up and starting over as an adult in the real world thing is not only scary, but it's not as fun as I thought it would be. It's just a lot of work...
But it's a good thing I love what I do, because that makes it easier.

Over-Worked and Under Stress

Nineteen credits this semester may have been the worst decision of my life. Not to mention the part-time job on top of it. I'm slowly drowning in schoolwork and there is nothing I can do about it at this point except just keep on pushing through. The only thing keeping me sane is the constant countdown on my calendar of how many days are left until this mess is over. The only thing I want in this world right now is to put that cap and gown on and walk across that stage...

That will make this semester of insanity worth it.

With the sheer amount of research projects, papers and exams I have had in the last week alone my stress level has sky rocketed and my social life has dwindled to nonexistence. The only things I have time for are homework, school, and eating. It's a good day when I'm not doing some sort of homework on my phone, or catching up on that extra bit of sleep because I didn't get enough, while sitting in the shower (dangerous, I know). I've found a lot of strange ways to maximize my productivity while still getting everything important taken care of.

My (Weird) Productivity Tips:

Planning:
1. Color code and itemize how you will spend your time: I do this in a big ole planner, and I highlight blocks of time for every assignment or task and that's how long I spend on it. Plan for showering, eating and sleeping, and make sure to use different colors for everything. I have 5; essentials, class times/schoolwork, work, social, appointments.

2. As one of my teachers told me: when writing a paper it's often easiest to simply open the document write your name, save it, and then close it until you know what you want to say next. Don't stress about getting the words right the first time, get the thought down and let the editing wait until it's time.

3. Take your laptop or tablet everywhere... The amount of times I've thought of the answer to a question in the bathroom or the shower and then forgotten it by the time I get to the computer... is embarrassing. Plastic Ziploc bags and your tablet will be wonderful friends for shower time when you've got a paper on your mind.

The Most Practical Thing I Learned in College

It's pretty much official, I graduate from college with my undergraduate degree this coming May. It's both extremely exciting, and almost unreal. I'm completely ready to be done college, but at the same time it feels weird to be going out into the world, getting a full time job, and working on saving up money and moving out of the house I grew up in.
Surprisingly, the thing I will take away from college as the most important thing I ever learned has nothing to do with academics. As much as I will always remember what I learned academically, I will always take with me the skills I learned in my self-defense class. Sure, it was only a PE class, and I only had it for three weeks, but it was the most amazing experience of my life. There could not have been a better time for me to have taken this class.
In December, I had just gotten out of a really bad abusive relationship where I was constantly in fear of what would happen to me if I was to do even the most inconsequential of things the way I wanted to instead of how he wanted it done. Every little thing was cause for an argument, even if I had done nothing wrong. If he was in a bad mood it was automatically my fault. Everything came back to me regardless of what he was actually angry about. In the course of nine months, Yelling turned into pushing, pushing turned into shoving, and that all turned into beating up on my belongings.
When things got to their worst I ran for my life and never looked back.
I decided that I was going to take self-defense because I wasn't about to let all that happen to me again. Over time, I learned that I didn't have to be super strong or even bigger than my opponent in order to take them down, all I had to do was use what they were doing against them. We not only worked on basic hand-to-hand, but we spent some time working with knife and gun tactics as well, learning how to disarm and pin opponents from various angles and attacks.
The final exam was probably the most amazing, yet most terrifying, experience; however, I will remember it for the rest of my life for that reason exactly. For our final, we had to take down a fully padded assailant who was trained to attack us like we would be in a real situation. Up until the final we had only practiced against the other women in our class and none of us had gone all that hard on the others. We selected what order we wanted to be tested in, and when it was our turn we selected a card from the deck to determine what situation we would be put in.
I was signed up to be in the middle of the pack, and I was shaking in fear the entire time waiting for my turn. Knowing that I would be flashing back to all the fights I had been in with my ex, and knowing that against him I had not been able to do anything to save myself from his abuse was the worst part. Feeling powerless was the worst feeling I had ever felt in my life, and knowing that I would have to feel that feeling all over again made me so much more terrified of the situation.
When it was my turn to go, I was visibly shaking and pretty much having a panic attack. I went up to draw my card, and much to my dismay I drew the exact thing that my ex loved to do to me. I had to survive a front chokehold... again.
I stood in front of the class, fear in my heart and tears in my eyes, trying to get myself ready to deal with my past. As the assailant grabbed my throat the only thing I felt was the wind leaving my lungs. I felt the tears sitting in my eyes start sliding down my cheeks. He'd grabbed me hard, and I flashed back to the last fight with my ex. It took me a good three seconds to get myself together, and if it had been a real situation I wouldn't have been around long enough to get it together. The instructor finally yelled something to get my attention, and everything I had learned just came out of me without me even thinking about it. I took the guy down, and afterwards I felt like I had achieved something beyond greatness.
I had survived the hardest thing I had ever been through, but I did better than that... I conquered my worst fear.
I will never be afraid of him...
The most important thing I ever learned in college: I am stronger than I think I am and I can conquer anything.

When Friends Go Awry

It amazes me how one person can make you feel so bad about yourself and the things you value. It's even more hurtful when you considered that person a friend. I was shocked to have a conversation with a friend today who feels that I don't wish consider hanging out with them as important. I hate to say it, but school and work really do eat up a lot more of my life than people think. Most days I spend the whole rest of my day outside of class doing homework and reading textbooks. It's a rare occasion when I make it out of the house or spend any time on leisure. I think at best I go out with friends once a month and read a book (that isn't school related) or actually watch tv maybe once a week if I'm lucky.
It sort of made me angry when I was given a list of how many hours I do things, or at least that I should, and was told by my friend that I should have 80 hours a month left to spend time with people and that's why they felt that I was uninterested in spending time with them. Obviously they truly don't know me or they would realize that with my ADHD that I've struggled with since I was little, I really don't end up with any time left most days. Some days, I don't even get to sleep because I have so much work to finish and struggle so hard to finish it. I feel bad that I have offended this person, but I also don't know what else they expect me to do about it.
The final thing that irked me beyond all reason, was that the moment I brought up my busy schedule from school and said that that has to be my focus, since I am overloading my schedule two semesters in a row in order to graduate in the spring, my friend told me that I should value people more than things...
Just because school is a higher priority than my social life right now doesn't mean that I don't value my friends. It drives me crazy when people who aren't even in school anymore pretend like school should be easy for me. It's not... and it never has been. My friends in college understand, we hardly see each other, but we know it's because school is a busy time for us all and our schedules are so different. We squeeze ourselves into whatever cracks and crevices in each others schedules. And maybe I don't call upon my off campus friends to see me when I'm at school, and maybe I should, but just because you have a job where you make your own hours, and only spend 40 hours working doesn't mean that my part time job and school only takes up a little more than that. The fact that people believe I should have practically an entire day free after sleeping, going to the gym, going to school, and working shocks me... I've never had that much time since I was in high school.