It amazes me how one person can make you feel so bad about yourself and the things you value. It's even more hurtful when you considered that person a friend. I was shocked to have a conversation with a friend today who feels that I don't wish consider hanging out with them as important. I hate to say it, but school and work really do eat up a lot more of my life than people think. Most days I spend the whole rest of my day outside of class doing homework and reading textbooks. It's a rare occasion when I make it out of the house or spend any time on leisure. I think at best I go out with friends once a month and read a book (that isn't school related) or actually watch tv maybe once a week if I'm lucky.
It sort of made me angry when I was given a list of how many hours I do things, or at least that I should, and was told by my friend that I should have 80 hours a month left to spend time with people and that's why they felt that I was uninterested in spending time with them. Obviously they truly don't know me or they would realize that with my ADHD that I've struggled with since I was little, I really don't end up with any time left most days. Some days, I don't even get to sleep because I have so much work to finish and struggle so hard to finish it. I feel bad that I have offended this person, but I also don't know what else they expect me to do about it.
The final thing that irked me beyond all reason, was that the moment I brought up my busy schedule from school and said that that has to be my focus, since I am overloading my schedule two semesters in a row in order to graduate in the spring, my friend told me that I should value people more than things...
Just because school is a higher priority than my social life right now doesn't mean that I don't value my friends. It drives me crazy when people who aren't even in school anymore pretend like school should be easy for me. It's not... and it never has been. My friends in college understand, we hardly see each other, but we know it's because school is a busy time for us all and our schedules are so different. We squeeze ourselves into whatever cracks and crevices in each others schedules. And maybe I don't call upon my off campus friends to see me when I'm at school, and maybe I should, but just because you have a job where you make your own hours, and only spend 40 hours working doesn't mean that my part time job and school only takes up a little more than that. The fact that people believe I should have practically an entire day free after sleeping, going to the gym, going to school, and working shocks me... I've never had that much time since I was in high school.
No comments:
Post a Comment